Joy comes in the morning

Let’s just say that 2010 was not my year.

When I turned 27 in February I proclaimed that this was going to be MY year…and it fell quite a bit short of that..

It started off great–welcoming 2010 in Times Square…New York! The city! The lights! Central Park! I love everything about New York.

 I faced 2010 with a bit of fear and uncertainty. I knew that I needed to make some changes in my life. I knew that some decisions needed to be made. I sat in the Trump Towers on 5th Avenue drinking Starbucks with my then boyfriend and crying because I felt overwhelmed with the thought of needing to change my life…to make it what I wanted…to switch to a more fulfilling job…the fear of— what exactly the decisions were that I needed to make— hung thick in the air.

Not all was lost in 2010. I did get certified to be a personal trainer. I did get certified to be a spin instructor. I did get CPR certified. I ran my first half marathon. I participated in a week-long bike race in Iowa. I ran my first marathon in December.

But 2010 had a pervading sense that there was something more I needed to be doing with my life and that I certainly wasn’t doing it. It was missing this sense of purpose and fulfillment. It was filled with lots of routine and comfortability and being unsure of what decisions to make…to not making any decisions at all.

I literally sat at a coffee shop on December 31, 2010 in tears with my mom. About recent heartbreak. About unresolved issues I wanted to wrap up in 2010. About closure that would never come for one situation. I can honestly say I have never been as depressed as I was in November and December 2010. I had no idea how I was ever going to feel like I was not drowning in a sea of sorrow. I wondered how and if I would ever come up for air–find relief…move on…be happy again. I had serious doubts I would ever feel ok.

I love the idea of a newness. A chance to start fresh. New beginnings. Letting go of the past…and pressing on towards what is ahead. I can’t pinpoint it on any one thing–but when the clock turned us over to 2011, I have felt completely different.

It was a number of things (counseling, renewed hope and faith, making decisions) that pulled me out of the darkness. As 2011 started, I felt a renewed vigor for life. The burdensome heaviness I had been previously feeling had suddenly dissipated. For the first time in a long time I felt like my mind had cleared and that I was able to once again take hold of my life.

It’s only May and this year has brought a tremendous amount of change and growth. I started working as a running coach. I ran my 2nd marathon (with my first only being 8 weeks before!!!). I started working as a personal trainer. I competed in my first bike race. I moved to a lovely condo in Pasadena (where my whole life is now within a mile radius!!!). I competed in my first duathlon. I applied and was accepted into grad school to pursue my 2nd Master’s degree–a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology. AAAAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDDDD I just found out 2 days ago that I was picked in the lottery to run the New York City Marathon, the Nike Women’s Half Marathon in San Francisco (with a Tiffany’s necklace at the finish line….EeeeeeEEeeeeeEEEEeeeeeeeeEee!!!!!!!!!) AND RAGBRAI ( a 7 day bike ride across Iowa)!!! I mean really, this year just keeps getting better and better.

The way I feel right now about myself and my life is so far from those horrible nights of sobbing in my car at the end of last year.  That’s the beauty of this life. It’s a constant ebb and flow. Just because things are bad and you hurt right now–doesn’t mean it will be this way forever…even if it feels like it.

So if you’re going through a rough patch-take heart! New beginnings are always on the horizon. A lot can change in just a year; in fact a lot can change in a matter of months! I’m the happiest I have ever been–something I quite *literally* couldn’t imagine just 5 short months ago. Hold fast to hope. You will be happy again.

Though sorrow may last for the night, joy comes in the morning.